Friday, January 18, 2013

The Omnivore Explains: Sandy Hook Conspiracies

Let me tell you a true story:
Before my divorce I had no debt, a near-perfect if not perfect credit rating, and money in the bank--I was a responsible  person with money. During my marriage my now-ex-wife did not work--but she managed our money. Badly. She spent and spent--all new wardrobe, a new car, a house we couldn't exactly afford. For Christmas one year she put up a tree so big that (a) she hired a person to help her and her mom decorate and (b) an electrician to run higher voltage wires to the outlet so we could plug in the tree without it tripping the breakers. Holy Cats! When we divorced I was deep in debt and my credit was ruined--but I'm better now. That bitch is no longer trashing my finances.
By reader request I'm going to explain the Sandy Hook Truther Conspiracy.

This is a video that like 10 million people have seen. It is the "face" of the Sandy Hook Hoax movement (there is other stuff like the LIBOR connection between Aurora and Sandy Hook that is not mentioned here). The video lays out ten facts that 'prove' the Sandy Hook massacre is a hoax. They are:
  1. There were at least 2-3 shooters. The media just reported 1.
  2. The medical examiner claimed a rifle was used to kill the children but the rifle was left in the trunk of the car.
  3. One of the kid's dad's was seen laughing and smiling before he got sad for the interview. He's an actor.
  4. His dead daughter's memorial Facebook page was was created before he knew his daughter was, for-sure, dead.
  5. All the grieving parents seem to be bad actors.
  6. There is a web site called that provides actors for crisis simulation!
  7. The medical examiner behaved strangely in an interview. He might be an actor.
  8. Sept 11 and the 2005 London bombings ... and Sandy Hook all had FEMA or Homeland security training classes nearby with some connection to the events
  9. The Victoria Soto memorial Facebook page was created 4 days before the shooting!
  10. There is a media frenzy created to ban guns!
If you want to easily debunk* all of this, look:
Also: pages on Facebook can be changed to Memorial pages and still retain their original creation date.

Sandy Hook Explained
People want their world to make sense--when it does not, they create fictional worlds where bad guys do all the bad things for reasons (grabbing our guns) and it isn't just random psychotic individuals making our world horrible. Here, I'll appeal to The Guardian:
Sandy Hook trutherism is unforgivable, but the essential fallacy on which it rests – that facts we can't account for must have a sinister explanation – is a widespread, human and dangerously seductive one. There's much about last month's tragedy in Connecticut that defies the search for meaning. Confronting that truth, even for those of us who are just onlookers, is hard. So it's depressing, but not exactly surprising, that the Sandy Hook "truthers" can't bring themselves to do so.
There we go, I've saved you another five minutes of thinking about this. You, like me, can confront the hard truths about the senseless world we live in because we are hard men (and women). The soft, broken truthers go running for conspiracy theory. We don't need none of that.

No, Really: Sandy Hook Explained
You're still here? Good--you can scroll! What you just read above is the conventional wisdom and it's the easy way out. How do you know? Because it appealed to you because it makes you special--or, at least, more special than those broken Truthers. That little hit of validation you felt? That's a danger signal. That's an indication you are missing something.

You are being lied to by that video--by the person who put together those 10 points. It isn't a lie they tell you out-right, it's a lie you are expected to be complicit in. It's a lie you are intended to internalize--it is a lie about the story. This is the lie:
I, like you, was shocked and appalled by unfolding tragedy I witnessed on my TV. I, like you, believed what I was being told ... until. Until I begin to notice 'cracks' in the story I was hearing from the media and the government. These were little mistakes at first--or contradictions--but then, slowly, I began to see a picture emerge: this was a pattern. At that point I began to look deeper--and what did I discover? I discovered the deception They are trying to sell us. Now that the scales have been lifted from my eyes, I have to tell you and the world.
How do we know it's a lie? We know it's a lie because this isn't how Truther-beliefs get founded. Take, for example, the most important point of the 10 points: it's #2--it's the one about the guns changing (why it's the most important of the points I'll get to in a minute).

In the chaos of early reporting and, driven, by the need for always-on 24/7 talking head cable-news saturation anything--any factoid--would become part of the narrative. In this case it was the removal of a shotgun from the trunk of Lanza's car as filmed from a helicopter. Twenty-four hours later, everything was cleared up and the major topic of discussion was "Why the hell was the reportage so awful with Sandy Hook?" (Answer: because you demanded it be--you left your TV on for like eight hours straight, what the hell else was CNN and FOX supposed to do other than make up news for you?).

But for Mr. Conspiracy, this is evidence of shifting story--a pattern of evil--a sign of a hoax. Why doesn't he just do what everyone else did and go "Oh, early reportage always sucks--now that the dust has settled we can see that Lanza used his high capacity rifle to kill all those kids ..."?

Why not?

The answer is because That, fuckingcannot be true.

True Story, Bro
Everything I told you in the opening story has, unlike the Sandy-Hook-Hoax factoids, the advantage of being true--but it's missing a key component. Did you notice? It's this:
"Hey, Omnivore, why the hell were you letting your wife manage all your money?"
"It's because I loved her."
"Yeah? True love, bro? You divorced her, didn't you."
"I did, and it sucked. I've learned my lesson."
Right there, at the end, you know for sure I'm lying: I certainly did not learn my lesson. That's because the lesson is that whether or not you love someone is irrelevant to whether or not you let them manage your money. I let her manage my money because it got me everything I wanted including being able to credibly be 'a victim'.

The story I'm telling you makes me the saint, her the sinner--and I'm telling it to you because I'm ashamed of my behavior--but if I wrap that shame in a protective candy-coated story and serve it to you and you validate it--then I'm a hero. At least for a little while.

The story protects my shame because oh hells no: I'm not responsible for my behavior or condition. That would fucking hurt.

Conspiracy Theories Shield Us
Before we do Sandy Hook, let's start somewhere else: 9/11 Truthers and Birthers. It's all the same stuff under the hood.

I Am Ashamed Of: Racist feelings towards the president.
Protective Conspiracy Theory: Obama's Birth Certificate is a FAKE. He was born in Kenya and is not legitimately able to be president.
Now I Am: A patriot driven by my love for the Constitution and America.

I Am Ashamed Of: My early-childhood driven issues with authority--especially male authority figures--that make me hate George W. Bush personally rather than simply strongly disliking his policies. The idea of America as an innocent victim with just cause to go to war in Afghanistan is unconscionable.
Protective Conspiracy Theory: Bush caused 9/11 (or intentionally allowed it to happen).
Now I Am: A righteous rebel speaking Truth to Power

The Sandy Hook Hoax Explained
So what is going on with Sandy Hook? I'll show you: remember his 10 points up there? Which one of them is not like the others? I'll give you a hint: which one, of all that garbage, is actually true?

It's #10: The Media frenzy to ban guns.
You Can Have My Wang When You Pry It Out Of My Moist, Sweaty Palm
This one isn't a "fact" about the shooting--it's the "why" of the whole thing--after his 1-9 try to convince you (so long as you don't research them) he then puts in there his 10th "fact proving Sandy Hook was a hoax" and, since he didn't see it was different he has no reason to think you will either.

This is the key to the whole conspiracy theory.

I Am Ashamed Of: The fact that a rifle that I feel a personal connection to (and probably viscerally defended after the Aurora shootings) was used for an abomination. It makes me on the wrong side and That. Cannot. Be. True.
Protective Conspiracy Theory: Not only did the shooting never happen--but there were multiple shooters, everyone killed was an actor, and the guns used were handguns anyway.
Now I Am: A Second-Amendment Constitutional patriot speaking Truth To Power.

Now that Obama's "gun grab" has happened and it's a big nothing-burger with a side of Congress-Won't-Pass-The-AWB I wonder what this guy is going to do ... Ha! Got you, didn't I? He's not going to do anything because reality does nothing to assuage the guilt he feels from having a strong emotional connection to the gun that was used to kill children. Until that changes (and this whole conspiracy theory--for which he is getting millions of hits of validation a day--meaning he won't have to change) the conspiracy theory will need to remain ... because otherwise he'd have to face himself.

NOTE: In case this is misunderstood: liking AR's is fine. I like them myself. No AR owner should feel guilt about Sandy Hook--but if you do? If, for whatever reason (your man-card) you are emotionally tied up in 'the rifle' doing no wrong? Then the Conspiracy Theory will protect you from that.

* The "conspiracy" doesn't even make sense. For example, was anyone killed? Or is everyone actors? If all the grieving parents are actors, what about the real children and teachers? And their parents--wouldn't someone notice them missing? Wouldn't someone at, like, Facebook be able to crack the conspiracy? Does it matter what weapon was used or left in the car if there were multiple black-ops shooters? Does someone being in the Screen Actor's Guild or a member of Crisis Actors make them automatically trustworthy for the government scheme? What did all those FEMA trainees do when the crisis broke? Was anyone actually there? NOTE: none of these 'plot holes' are important--they're all just Fridge Logic for the story--the story you're supposed to swallow.


  1. This is a great article except I do personally hate George W. Bush and I do not think that he personally caused 9/11 or that it was a hoax, I am simply not ashamed to personally hate George W. Bush. He's a real fucker.

    1. Then you are set: you need no conspiracy theory!

  2. Brilliant analysis, but could you fix the spelling? It's "Sandy Hook", not "Sandy Hooks".

    1. Got it--thanks for the edit!