Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Martin O'Malley: OH, COME ON!??

Don't I LOOK Presidential? Look at Those Chompers!
Over the weekend Democrat and former Baltimore Mayor (there's an endorsement) declared a quixotic run against Hillary Clinton. The Omnivore was not, as the British say, especially 'arsed' to do a write up on him--but now Lindsey Grahm has thrown his hat in the clown-car and The Omnivore is behind. So, let's look.

He Can't Win . . .
A Des Moines Register poll found Clinton at 57%, Bernie Sanders at 16%, Joe Biden at 8%, and O'Malley at 2%. You can say he just started--but Biden isn't even running. Plus, what's his deal? Hey? Remember me from The Wire? Even people who kind of like his style admit he doesn't have a narrative yet:
But back at the pizza place, when we get back to the national question—the raging, nagging popularity of that newcomer up north who isn’t even running—O’Malley suddenly becomes … kind of wooden. “Yeah, uhh, I believe Sen. Warren has been, uh, very clear in her critique of what’s wrong with our financial markets,” he says after some hesitation, “and she’s also been very clear about our failure as a party to follow through on Wall Street reform. And people across the country respond to that clarity of message, and as a United States senator she’s had a big role to play. I have not as a governor or as a mayor had that sort of legislative role on the financial markets, but if I were to run for president and be elected, I certainly intend to follow through on the commitment of Wall Street reform.” 
I wonder how long the pizza will take.
Gonna set the world on fire O'Malley? Uh-huh.

When he announced he actually did beat Hillary Clinton on one front: Google Searches to figure out who the hell he was. Triumph. Here are the top searches O'Malley drew:
1. Who is Martin O'Malley?
2. Is Martin O'Malley a Democrat?
3. How old is Martin O'Malley?
4. How tall is Martin O'Malley?
5. What religion is Martin O'Malley?
6. Is Martin O'Malley married?
7. Where did Martin O'Malley go to high school?
8. How many kids does Martin O'Malley have?
9. Who funded Martin O'Malley's campaign?
10. Where is O'Malley governor?
On The Other Hand . . . 
If we assume a Clinton-Collapse scenario (that is: at some point Clinton's scandal-ridden past takes hold and she plummets, John Edwards-like, to un-electability) then right now it's him and Sanders. Sanders is an ancient crazy-haired admitted socialist. O'Malley is a 52 year old guy who plays guitar in a band (O'Malley's March). Who would you bet on?

What's that? Elizabeth Warren at the convention? Oh--uh . . . huh. Still, there are scenarios. Here's a helpful article on how O'Malley can actually beat Clinton. It's like a cook-book for success. Let's take a quick look:
 Find a compelling personal storyline. O’Malley is a white Irish male who grew up in the suburbs, turned into a lifelong pol and became mayor of a city most voters know for police brutality and riots. You gotta come up with something better than that.
Maybe he should, like, check under the cushions at the back of the sofa or something. There might be a narrative there.

The Net-Net on Martin O'Malley
The Omnivore suspects that the Democratic National Committee is going around finding people who could stand on a stage with Clinton and not look absolutely ridiculous and convincing them to run. "Come on, it'll be fun--look, we'll drum up funding. Hotel 6 isn't that bad. Go head--try it!" so that (A) in the case of Clinton Collapse there'll be someone and (B) Clinton won't have to debate the Moderator.

The rules are simple: Go after her--but, you know, don't . . . act like a Republican. Frankly, if this isn't happening, it ought to be. Clinton-Collapse is a real possibility and we do need some kind of debates. Also: Clinton is going to get hammered by Republicans from now until the inevitable turn-on-each-other when the campaign starts for real and the numbers count--she needs to have someone to respond to other than them.

Ok--But What's He Thinking?
O'Malley is thinking that running will, yes, raise his profile. He doesn't come off as a guy who thinks he's going to get the job--not even the Vice Presidency. This campaign is going to be his statement--and he's going to get to play on the national stage. Hell, at 52, even if Clinton wins, he'll be 60 in 2024: he might go for it then!

But in his mind? The Omnivore activates his telepathy to bring you his thoughts!

They told me this would be fun. This isn't fun--this is embarrassing--getting trounced by Sanders and then beaten by Joe?? Guhhh . . .  I need a stunt. Ring-Match with Palin? Eh--she might beat me. I could fight Holyfield like Romney did. Might be worth it! I'd have to take my shirt off though--forget that. 

Hey--I could do like a battle-of-the-bands with Huckabee! How about THAT? Musical debates--we'd sell out Madison Square Garden with THAT. OOh--I like it. Better put a helmet on, Bernie: I'm Coming For You.

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