Friday, June 5, 2015

Rick Perry: SERIOUSLY??

Rick Perry is back from the political grave of 2012 where his exciting entry into the field was matched only by the crater left after his meteoric "flash-crash" during the debates. Similarly, his success as governor (job growth) was matched by the dubious honor of having created one of history's most-disliked videos (a YouTube campaign ad).

Now? He's back.


This is Perry's InTrade Stock on the Night of The Debate
FiveThirtyEight just comes out and says it:
We’ll have to wait and see what happens. Perry’s 2012 implosion makes his 2016 bid the first of its kind — no one has ever fallen as hard as Perry and run again.
Now, he blames his abysmal debate performance on back-surgery medication--but really? Dude had to say something. His transcripts showed him to be a 'C' student and he basically turned in a 'C' performance until he failed the multiple-choice section of the candidate test.

He had good numbers as governor--but how much genius does it take to make money when it's pumping out of the ground in a giant plume? Even Jed Clampett was able to do that. In 2012 he was the only other governor (and he was sitting, current, and popular) and he was a sane Tea-Party candidate. Today he's matched poorly against Scott Walker for the same slot.

What's his game-plan? Well, you can bet it involves writing things down on his hand before each debate. You can also bet it doesn't involve anything that could, you know, look stupid--because last cycle he looked pretty stupid.

On The Other Hand . . .
Perry polls in the top-10 candidates (9 or 10 depending). That's above the FOX/CNN Debate Cut-Off. He gets to be On The Stage. That's huge. Also: in the Walker-Collapse scenario (where Scott Walker fizzles) there isn't likely to be another governor-Tea-Party style challenger (well . . .  Jindal. But come on).

Perry is a gifted "retail" politician: in person he is relaxed and likable. On the stump he's magnetic. He might not be quite as charismatic as Rubio--but there is a reason he was the 'Romney-Killler' in 2012 before he opened his mouth. If it really was a medication-induced catastrophe who's to say he won't live up to his formidable reputation this time out?

Perry exists in the tasty center of a lot of conservative circles. He has plenty of executive experience (and the good kind), has won a state-wide election in Texas, and has conservative/religious credibility. He may not be as religious as Huckabee--but if Walker's out of the running and it's Perry or . . .  Cruz? Perry may have crashed his campaign. Cruz played bumper-cars with the national credit rating.

The Net-Net on Rick Perry
They say you never get a second chance to make a first impression: That's technically true. But what if we'd already seen a workable strategy for just this kind of situation? What if there were some tested method that allowed you to kind of 'change who you were,' suddenly--and completely?


The Plan Is Hatched . . .

In order for Perry to have an impact he will need to break away from the bottom of the pack quickly and challenge Walker for the conservative governor slot. This will take aggressive maneuvering and some luck--but if Perry gets the Texas-Oil money he had lined up in 2012, he could last long enough to at least duke it out.

How ever badly he failed last time, Walker would be well advised to put him away immediately.

But What's He Thinking?
Perry thinks he's a strong candidate who got a raw deal last time out. He feels he can and should do better. He also thinks that despite what they say, this field isn't "that much stronger" than last time. Every candidate--every one--has a flaw (Rubio: Amnesty, Walker: no college degree, Jeb: Bush). He doesn't see any reason his blemish should burn brighter than theirs.

Of course last time out his supporters were humiliated--and that's a problem: but then, well, he's got the glasses this time.

But what's in his brain?

Omnivorous Telepathy Activate!

I reckon things are gonna come at me fast now--but with my spec's I can see'em! Heh heh. Look at me: Smart! (takes off glasses) Not smart. (puts them on) Smart! (removes them) Not smart! It's like magic! Ha ha--remember Danny the nerd we used to give noogies to in the bathroom? Ha! (puts on glasses): Smart now! Just like Danny. Boy, he'd squeal like a pig.

Speaking of, I could get some bacon. Mmmm . . . Bacon. Shit: I'd better start prepping for the first debate. Let's see. I'mma bomb Iran, Isis, and . . . The  . . . Ukulele? Uranus? Ha-ha: Your Anus. That's funny.

(looks in mirror): Smart!

(looks at hand): The Ukraine. Yep. Bomb them Ruskies out of the Ukraine.  Perfect. I wonder what Palin's doing these days. She could be my Veep: Comeback city!

(laughs, removes glasses) Not Smart!!

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