Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Chris Christie Is IN! There's NO ROOM LEFT!!

The once-heavyweight Chris Christie--the "most electable candidate" is now officially IN THE RACE. What are his chances? What the heck could he be thinking??

He Can't Win
Boy can't he. Politico details his approach as a nothing-to-lose long-shot:
The hope, according to advisers — who spent the weekend in a flurry of last-minute planning meetings — is that by exceeding expectations in debates and town hall events, and by performing well in a few select primary contests, he can re-establish himself as a top-tier candidate.
“Once he gets that momentum,” said Dale Florio, a leading Republican lobbyist in New Jersey and a staunch Christie ally, “you’ll see the whole dynamic of the race change.”
Or not, right? FiveThirtyEight doesn't even have an article on him yet. That's a new low.

Of course they've covered him before: he's the well-known-but-highly disliked candidate in the race: a niche, finally, that no one else is fighting for. Well, save Donald Trump.

On The Other Hand . . .
Back in the day The Omnivore declared Chris Christe a non-starter because he was, well, too fat. The Omnivore suggested that The Overton Window--the range of things society will accept--was. The Omnivore thought, not quite ready for someone of Christie's size.
Sorry, Christie

Christe, however, pulled a mind-scramble on The Omnivore by getting lap-band surgery. According to Google he has lost 85-100lbs. Here's a Then and Now for 2013:
Almost There!
Christie is planning on leveraging the one great strength he really has: showmanship. He's a gifted campaigner--maybe one of the best in the race. He's also still likely got some moderate cred and he can tell it like it is the way few others can. Yes, he's a long-shot--but so are a lot of other people. The break-way scenario could go to him as likely as, well, Huckabee or Carson, really.

The Net-Net on Chris Christie
Christie is betting on floating a 'Gingrich Bubble' starting in New Hampshire and continuing to victory. To put it mildly, without serious donor support, and at barely-alive levels in the polls, this is 'unlikely.' What Christie will do to the race is add some drama--for at least the first Kid's-Table-Debate as the candidates basket-of-crabs their way towards relevance.

Here Christie's strength as a bully will help him--but his time-line is too short: he'll likely be out of money before New Hampshire.

But What Could He Be Thinking??
It's got to be hard to go from a front-runner potential to "give it up you RINO"--and The Omnivore suspects that Christie is deluding himself about what his chances are. From his perspective he was validated on Super Storm Sandy, cleared on Bridgegate, and is STILL the Republican governor of a blue state. What's not to love?

But what's in his mind? Let's take a look with Telepathy!

Let's see--Announcement at my high-school: check. I was class president there for 3 freakin' years. That's almost a full term! Then--what--The Concord Hilton . . . oooh--they have a NICE buffet. Then a lunch at the Smoke Shack. Ribs! Yum. Then I've gotta totally tank Santorum. How hard could THAT be?

Let's do some real talk here: Jindal--I'll just shove him off the stage. Santorum? Tougher: he's got a bit of a fighter in him. I'll crush his ribcage. Cruz? Little tougher. I bet one kick in the stones, though and he cries like a little girl--hey, is that a doughnut--the strategy crew left a doughnut! MMmmmm. Delicious.

I should check the catering for the roll-out. Won't get a do-over on that. But soon? Soon it's Huckabee and if he thinks he can beat me he's a fool. I'll bite his smug little head off. Mmm ... maybe with some ketchup. Pepper. Like that.


  1. Wait! Does this mean that we'll elect a cyborg before Prince?

    -- v

    1. Looking at the chart, I think it's possibly indicating that Prince will be the GENDER of the cyborg. But am uncertain. That would be a bit strange: Facebook doesn't even have that one.


    2. Perhaps it means, in the final violent collapse of gamergate, we elect Zoe Quinn: